Literally pooping my pants.
Warning, this is a really poopy story.
As I age, I get this feeling that bowel movements and bladder control gets harder to manage. Not that I have a need to hold it in, or maybe because of it, I tend not to fight nature. As I always say,
When I first felt the rumble last night, I just filled up the car with gas and was heading home. I figured that I had plenty of time to find a bathroom, and I didn't want to leave EYS in the car by herself so I decided to hit the road. Things were fine until halfway home when my lower gut started to join in on the parade and I had to tell myself to keep it together. Traffic was good, we would get home in record time.
As we were exiting the highway, my whole intestinal tract decided to collaborate against me. I fought off the urge, but I felt like my inner tubes were ready to burst and I was left in serious pain after that bout.
When I got to the last light before the condo, all of my involuntary muscles in my gut joined in against my one ally and in the end, it pretty much gave up and I was left with a stinking mess in my pants.
But it did not stop there. Fresh from their victory over the guardian of the ring, my colon pressed even further, and I could feel my pants overflow and I drove down into my garage. I tried my best not to drive too erratically while I was trying leave too much of a mess in my seat.
I was able to park without hitting anything and ran out of the car, into the elevator, and into our unit, all the time taunted by my autonomic nervous system, as pumped out more stuff with every step I took. I was able to make it in without making a mess outside (or running into anyone), but I had left my phone, my wallet, my child, and a steaming pile on the driver's seat in my car downstairs. (I did leave a window down for EYS' benefit.)
Fifteen minutes later I was able to get cleaned up enough to go back downstairs to pick up my stuff and bring EYS upstairs. I spent the rest of the night getting EYS ready for bed and cleaning up the apartment and car.
I must've did a good job because MJNL did not notice anything out of the ordinary when she got back home.
As I age, I get this feeling that bowel movements and bladder control gets harder to manage. Not that I have a need to hold it in, or maybe because of it, I tend not to fight nature. As I always say,
"When nature calls, make sure you pick up. Otherwise, she'll leave you a very dirty message."So I have been very good at heeding the call for many, many years.
When I first felt the rumble last night, I just filled up the car with gas and was heading home. I figured that I had plenty of time to find a bathroom, and I didn't want to leave EYS in the car by herself so I decided to hit the road. Things were fine until halfway home when my lower gut started to join in on the parade and I had to tell myself to keep it together. Traffic was good, we would get home in record time.
As we were exiting the highway, my whole intestinal tract decided to collaborate against me. I fought off the urge, but I felt like my inner tubes were ready to burst and I was left in serious pain after that bout.
When I got to the last light before the condo, all of my involuntary muscles in my gut joined in against my one ally and in the end, it pretty much gave up and I was left with a stinking mess in my pants.
But it did not stop there. Fresh from their victory over the guardian of the ring, my colon pressed even further, and I could feel my pants overflow and I drove down into my garage. I tried my best not to drive too erratically while I was trying leave too much of a mess in my seat.
I was able to park without hitting anything and ran out of the car, into the elevator, and into our unit, all the time taunted by my autonomic nervous system, as pumped out more stuff with every step I took. I was able to make it in without making a mess outside (or running into anyone), but I had left my phone, my wallet, my child, and a steaming pile on the driver's seat in my car downstairs. (I did leave a window down for EYS' benefit.)
Fifteen minutes later I was able to get cleaned up enough to go back downstairs to pick up my stuff and bring EYS upstairs. I spent the rest of the night getting EYS ready for bed and cleaning up the apartment and car.
I must've did a good job because MJNL did not notice anything out of the ordinary when she got back home.
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